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Post 05 Apr 2014, 8:43 pm


Issue Three
The Aden Corsair


Ottawa (Reuters) - Brilliant flashes were seen across the Great White North recently as the UK unleashed their "Northern Lights Campaign" on the former commonwealth nation. The campaign, named for the solar phenomenon that graces the atmosphere at higher latitudes and the similarity to the flashes emitted by nuclear warheads, struck targets in Boston, Montreal, and Alaska. The Canadians were taken by complete surprise. The general reaction seems to be "We're Sorry! What did we do!?"

Aden Corsair sources reveal that Prime Minister Harper was meeting with Prime Minister Cameron and President Obama at the time of the attack. Our journalists report the following scene:

At the suggestion that Canada move their fleets to sea to quickly engage British targets, Canadian Admiral Lingfish Ackbar commented "Our cruisers can't repel firepower of that magnitude!"

This story will continue to develop, look for further coverage in upcoming issues of the Corsair.
And now, Page 2:
Shameless OOC Plug: A new game of Age of Pericles (dip variant) is now open on Redscape, run by George Atkins (known to us in this game as the slippery Italian). Check the announcement if you are interested!

European Disunion

Vienna (AFP) - The messy European situation has spread from Western Europe, where the German-Italian alliance (Gertaly) have been pillaging and burning eastern France for a year now, to Eastern Europe where Serbia has overrun Gertalian positions in Prague and Austria, while threatening Berlin and Milan, and is now working with French scientists on the bomb. Meanwhile, Russia grapples with a daring invasion by Polish troops. Upon review of the situation with the Aden Revenant Military Council, Grand Admiral Kal-shabab dispatched the following message to the rogue army now occupying Moscow: "Hey General Ziffer, YOU FORGOT POLAND!"

Additionally, Israel and Egypt upped the ante in their war with Gertaly, nuking the crap out of the Gulf of Sirte. And seriously, is anyone paying attention to Sweden? It looks like a large and menacing blue cloud is about to descend over Central Europe.

Manaus (AP) - No, we're not talking about the online retailer that, until Canadian troops pillaged Seattle, was one of the largest companies in the world. Quite literally, the Amazon rainforest, occupied by Ecuadorian troops. By "troops," we of course mean farmers wielding pitchforks. Having run out of neutral SCs to claim in Peru and Colombia, they have finally seized a Brazilian home SC. But bad news, Ecuador: The Mexicans are coming!

We at the Aden Corsair attempted to get a picture or even a satellite photo of the area and we came up empty. Consider this a request to el Presidente Frederico Olowin: Can we embed a reporter in with one of your units?

Radioactive Smog in Beijing
Beijing (Aden Newswire) - In a developing story, several sources in the Chinese capital are reporting the appearance of radioactive smog. Very little reliable information has been able to come out of Beijing, as our sources and our very own Aden Corsair reporter have turned up missing after attempting to get the word out. We are confident in reporting that it appears that as many as two nuclear devices were used in the surrounding provinces. The Chinese Communist Party has declined to comment.

Letter to the Editor:

machmstr wrote:Dear Editor,

It is with great indignation that I find no mention of the Great War of Liberation fought by the valiant Peasant Peoples Popular Front of Ecuador in the jungles of Colombia and the Amazon. The glorious peones have repulsed vicious attacks from weasely French and Venezuelan quisling units despite being vastly outnumbered. We demand that their heroic sacrifice be promulgated to the world as a warning to all back-stabbing and double-dealing powers thinking fork-pitch and scythe armed farmers are an easy pushover.

The most illustrious President Assangio of Ecuador

Most Illustrious President Assangio,

We at the Aden Corsair aim to cover the most exciting happenings around the globe. However, since you have pointed out an apparent gap in coverage, we have included a story about your mighty nation.

The Editor

(If you'd like to contribute to the continued excellence of the Aden Corsair, we welcome your letters to the editor.)

DISCLAIMER: Stories in the Aden Corsair are rarely based on fact and can widely be regarded as rumor, hearsay, or in extreme cases, total crap. If you would like to unsubscibe, please contact the Aden Revenant Military Council. You'll be "unsubscribed" at the soonest opportunity. It may take 1 to 8 game years for your request to be processed.
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Post 07 Apr 2014, 7:43 am

Excellent Kal. I had completely forgotten Bush's "you forgot Poland" comment. And I loved this year's focus on nature: The northern lights are beautiful.