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Joined: 17 May 2013, 3:32 pm

Post 20 Sep 2018, 6:11 pm

German Chancellor Freiman has a discussion with the Belgium Foreign Minister..

Chancellor Freiman: "Congratulations!"
Belgium Foreign Minister: "Uh oh..."
Chancellor: "What are you worried about? I am bringing an offer of German friendship..."
Foreign Minister: "That's what I am afraid of..."
Chancellor: "In these troubled times...with war likely to break out anytime...the German people are ready to offer Belgium--along with Holland and Denmark--protection!"
Foreign Minister: "But the Treaty of London guarantees our neutrality."
Chancellor: "There is a loophole in that treaty."
Foreign Minister: "What loophole?"
Chancellor: "Germany did not sign it."
Foreign Minister: "You are not going to honor a treaty signed by a Prussian dominated German Confederation?"
Chancellor: "What is this German Confederation? Never heard of it..."
Foreign Minister: "Ok...what are the terms of your...offer?"
Chancellor: "Very generous. In return for our sending an army to protect you...we are asking for a slight economic contribution. Here is the list."
Foreign Minister: "What! We can't meet these demands! Belgians will starve."
Chancellor: "Not true. We have done the calculations--there will be enough food to meet caloric requirements."
Foreign Minister: "And...what if we refuse?"
Chancellor: "We will consider that an act of war."
Foreign Minister: "For not agreeing to Germany occupying our country!"
Chancellor: "Our best legal minds have assured me of the strength of our legal position here..."
Foreign Ministee: "Damn lawyers..."
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Post 02 Oct 2018, 6:06 pm


In the otherwise immortal words of your grandmother, Queen Victoria, "We are not amused." You simply can't go around bullying the weak, Willie. That used to be our job, you know. And we were much better at it than your lot. So, be happy with the Dutch and the Danes. At least you get good cheese and pickled herring out of the deal!

Sincerely and hopefully yours,

Edward VII
King of a lot more places than you can name
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Post 03 Oct 2018, 4:08 pm

In reply to His Most Royal Majesty Edward VII..

Chancellor Freiman: "Have you not read your Nietzsche? Germans were born to bully..."

In other news the Belgian Foreign Minister had called the Chancellor "stupid" for saying that it would be an act of war if Belgium did not accede to the demands of the German Empire. The German Second Army was then dispatched to the Belgian frontier via passage through the Ruhr. King Leopoldo II directed his Foreign Minister to offer a sincere apology for his insult...

Belgian Foreign Minister: "I'm really really sorry, I apologize unreservedly."
Chancellor: "You take it back!"
Foreign Minister: "I do, I offer a complete and utter retraction. The imputation was totally without basis in fact, and was in no way fair comment, and was motivated purely by malice, and I deeply regret any distress that my comments may have caused you, or your family, and I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future."
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Post 03 Oct 2018, 4:35 pm

The Berlin Mafia strikes again.