AP (Roma): There was hysteria in the capital amid rumors of a general European war circulating.Italians flooded the markets trying to get supplies, rumors of invasion circulated in cafes, and citizens congregated outside Parliament trying to get news with regard to Italian intentions. In order to calm fears...Foreign Minister Fremano Butlano held a news conference:

Reporter: "Foreign Minister, what can you tell us? There were rumors that Italy has a deal with Germany and Austria to assist them in case of war."
Foreign Minister: "Well...there were talks, sure. What of them? We Italians don't like war...unless something is in it for us. And it turns out..Germany has nothing to offer. We're not to going to fight badly and get nothing for it. So we reject the notion that we have any binding agreement on us."
Reporter: "Where does Italy stand currently?"
Foreign Minister: "We are neutral! Unless someone makes us a good offer where we don't fight much in return for nice beachfront property..."
Reporter: "Any such offers, yet?
Foreign Minister: "Alas, not yet. But we are out there trying to get something for nothing, let me tell you!"
Reporter: "There has been some concern by Tunis that Italy has intentions there given the planned naval exercises in the Ionian."
Foreign Minister: "We love Tunis. We love Tunisians. We would never harm Tunis! But, alas, in this dangerous time it may become necessary...for us to send forces to protect Tunis from invaders!"
Reporter: "Wouldn't we be the foreign invaders, then?"
Foreign Minister: "You media types...need to be more patriotic and not question the government's motives...that is, if you want to keep publishing!"
Reporter: "Anyway...how are negotiations with our neighbors--France, Germany, Austria, and Turkey going?"
Foreign Minister: "All I can you is that we want peace. We Italians like our wine, our pasta, a good espresso, opera...and of course women! We don't like to fight! We haven't been good fighters in almost 2,000 years. We will not be the aggressors...unless we get a really, really good offer!"
Reporter: "Can you tell us more how our relations with our historic enemy Turkey are going?"
Foreign Minister: "We are like brothers with the Sultan. As long as he stays out of the Aegean and East Med we will get along fine."
Reporter: "And...if not?
Foreign Minister: "We will be like brothers fighting over property in a will contest!