Including balanced editorial comment - A French Invention.

-Blaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

That was Comrade Paul's only response to our repeated queries regarding the conduct of the campaign last season. Private sources suggest something he ate was not intended for eating. We did an extensive survey and found this a common complaint, with a number of nations relating similar experiences. According to the results, everyone should eat only things intended for eating, and French food is the most intentional of food. [Ed: statistics!]

-France v Nigeria Foot Ball

The second match in the series ended in a second resounding win for France and a second Nigerian team bus driven over a cliff by enthusiastic though otherwise under-employed footballers. [Ed: where are the commas?]

Nigeria are applying for a third match, dubiously citing irregularities in the first two. According to our sources a location change has been suggested, with the match held in Burkina since officals can't now guarentee the safety of buses in Togo. [Ed: could they ever?]

-Piedmont Super-Slugs
(from our apprentice reporter)

So, as reported in a previous issue, Comrade Paul doesn't like slugs but slugs like heavy soil, so, over the last period we received reports of super-slug infestations in Marseillies and Lyon, and lately some weird sea-slug thing in The Gulf. A team of conchology students from Lyon had already identified the cause - the Italian army's effect on the soil in Peidmont - and quickly moved to quell the outbreak. So, when they arrived in Piedmont they found no Italian army, only slime trails leading to Rome.

That's all from me today!

-And Finally

On the issue of mushrooms and explosions, it won't surprise French readers to learn that in 1782 a French artist painted a mushroom cloud in his depiction of floating batteries exploding during the Franco-Spanish attack on Gibralter. [Ed: !]