27 May 2016, 10:21 am
Red, White & Bugle (#6)
-France Invents Nukes!
Nukes have long been the holy grail of peacekeeping! Now they are a practical reality thanks to the ingenuity of French scientists in Bordeaux! This is soooo exciting! [Ed: get a grip]
Comrade Paul visited The Nuke, taking with him The Chair in which he sat and admired The Nuke and its shiny metal and pretty colours. Reporters were excited to notice The Chair now sported a bright red, white and blue button on each arm.
Commemorative models of The Nuke, with detachable payload, were on sale, many were bought as gifts for young children. With such an example, we can only expect that future generations will transform this moment into a defining feature of French tradition!
-China Wasn't First!
No, we're not talking about foot ball again. We've received calls from readers hearing rumours that China invented nukes. We checked the records. We see no invention listed by China so we're happy to report there is no evidence that China actually invented nukes. And anyway, nukes built by China clearly won't be of the same standard.
-Italian Belligerence?
We queried our office in Paris after unconfirmed reports that Italy had declared war on France. They say only that the situation is being monitored. Worries about the Italian move to Piedmont, which their leader described as a fetish for the colour green, left the Marseilles department no choice but to kit out a flotilla of local defence forces they have decided to name "The Fleet". Three cheers for the locals!
-Ode to a Passing Chile
A memorial for Chile was held on Easter Island. Everyone agreed he gave it his best shot. Comrade Paul was particularly complimentary in accepting that Chile had achieved a first that France could never aspire to.
Our reader Julia, a budding French poet aged 2, sent us this:
"They came, they saw, they fought, they fell
And all agree they did quite well,
But as such tales will oft end sadly
Everyone did treat them badly."
Thank you Julia!
-France Invents Nukes!
Nukes have long been the holy grail of peacekeeping! Now they are a practical reality thanks to the ingenuity of French scientists in Bordeaux! This is soooo exciting! [Ed: get a grip]
Comrade Paul visited The Nuke, taking with him The Chair in which he sat and admired The Nuke and its shiny metal and pretty colours. Reporters were excited to notice The Chair now sported a bright red, white and blue button on each arm.
Commemorative models of The Nuke, with detachable payload, were on sale, many were bought as gifts for young children. With such an example, we can only expect that future generations will transform this moment into a defining feature of French tradition!
-China Wasn't First!
No, we're not talking about foot ball again. We've received calls from readers hearing rumours that China invented nukes. We checked the records. We see no invention listed by China so we're happy to report there is no evidence that China actually invented nukes. And anyway, nukes built by China clearly won't be of the same standard.
-Italian Belligerence?
We queried our office in Paris after unconfirmed reports that Italy had declared war on France. They say only that the situation is being monitored. Worries about the Italian move to Piedmont, which their leader described as a fetish for the colour green, left the Marseilles department no choice but to kit out a flotilla of local defence forces they have decided to name "The Fleet". Three cheers for the locals!
-Ode to a Passing Chile
A memorial for Chile was held on Easter Island. Everyone agreed he gave it his best shot. Comrade Paul was particularly complimentary in accepting that Chile had achieved a first that France could never aspire to.
Our reader Julia, a budding French poet aged 2, sent us this:
"They came, they saw, they fought, they fell
And all agree they did quite well,
But as such tales will oft end sadly
Everyone did treat them badly."
Thank you Julia!
